Can I Have Some Land Now, Please?

We recently purchased our very own "bistro set" (a mish-mash of clearance pieces from Target, if you were curious). So, the balcony is now primo real estate.

And even though it can be like, 99 degrees at 7 p.m., I would still like to make better use of the patio. I want it to work for me.

I would like to start growing some herbs or other edibles in a box out there. It would be awesome to grab some parsley or basil from 20 feet away when I want it for my dinner preparations. I would feel so Provencal.

I hear that people do that kind of thing. I hear that they study the growing conditions of the type of herb or manageable veggie that they want to grow, buy some seeds, plant those seeds during the correct season, supply them the right soil and watering conditions, generally nurture the suckers, and--BAM!--food!

I also hear that, in general, the plants stay alive.

Unfortunately, I have never been green-thumbed. I think plants with roots shriek with anxiety when they see me coming. The cut flowers just give up.

But herbs wouldn't be too difficult, would they? I mean, I'm not trying to grow a fig tree. Herbs are a manageable size and look like they are revive-able if I blow it and forget to water them. And I hear mint just takes over like a weed. They have to stand a whisper of a chance in my hands.

I also feel like I could seriously take on the Topsy Turvy Planter for tomatoes. Just add water! In fact, I'm one step ahead of "Just add water!": people who know what they are doing in the dirt told me to put shiny things up, like silver ribbons, to distract the birds and keep them from pecking at my hard work.

I don't know about you, but it would have taken my several seasons to figure that kind of thing out.

I know you people are way more educated about gardening and growing than I am. The patio stays sunny, like, all the time. As you know, autumn is approaching. I can follow a watering schedule (OK, I will try really, really hard to follow a watering schedule). What could I possibly grow out there right now? Besides shiny ribbons, are there any tips you can share?