Thursday, June 3, 2010

X Does Not Equal Y

I have been married a whole month now. The wedding and honeymoon, which were both wonderful, have passed. The real world has hit the newlyweds.

How hard has it hit us? Well, I have already begun to learn some things about married life that them thar books could never tell me. Experience, baby.

For those unmarrieds of you out there, this means that I am beginning to gain wisdom about marriage and the sexes. Nay, secrets. Secrets that only married people know, and never tell singletons.

Well, I am breaking that rule. I am passing along this insightful knowledge.

To share my first married-month’s insights, I have made a list—a list of “expectations vs. reality” for marriage. Or, perhaps more accurately, women’s expectations vs. this-is-not-a-movie reality. And, in alignment with their chromosomal representations, I have titled this list "X Does Not Equal Y."

X: Carefully planning with consideration what kind of food your Husband would like for dinner two days in advance -- does not equal -- Y: what you actually eat for dinner.

X: Sitting down in the same room, facing the same way, watching the same television program, drinking the same iced tea -- does not equal -- Y: thinking about the same thing.

X: Having an apartment with a second bedroom and a walk-in closet -- does not equal -- Y: adequate storage for two wardrobes, 37 pairs of heels and 64 wine glasses.

X: Walking through the same apartment door as your spouse--daily -- does not equal -- Y: no size-12 shoes being in your way upon entry and exit.

X: Putting pretty candles and nice-smelling flowers out because you finally have a space of your own -- does not equal -- Y: finding them a permanent place in your bedroom, because you now share it with a boy.

X: Saying, in exhaustion, loud enough for the Husband to hear, that the garbage needs to be taken out-- does not equal -- Y: actually asking the Husband to take the garbage out.

X: Asking the husband to write thank you notes from all of your generous wedding guests based on a "sample" thank you note -- does not equal -- Y: Husband actually retaining the format of said note for future thank yous.

X: Anticipating that your stressful or crummy day will ruin your evening – does not equal – Y: all the wonderful things your Husband will say and do to help make it all better.

Yes, I anticipate more wisdom in the future. Anyone have any advice now?

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